Everyone has those days when all you want to do is grab that glock 40 your boyfriend left in the next room. (Okay, so maybe not everyone.) You convince yourself that you only want to look at it. You sit there and think. What else is there to do. You think about the times when you were little and your big brother was your protector. You think about the time when you were daddy's little girl and nothing else mattered. You think about all the mother daughter talks you've had with the only woman who will never let you down no matter what. She's always wanted best for her children, always.
You wonder where those days have gone. You wonder where the time has gone. You wonder when the next time you will finally be embraced by your daddy. You wonder when you will get a big bear hug from the older brother who knows you better than you know yourself. You wonder when will those mother daughter talks finally settle in. You wonder...
And then you realize...you lead a good life. If the past holds such great memories, then they need to be remembered, but you can't live through memories. There comes a time when you realize that it is time to take the advise you were given. It is time to take steps forward into the future. It is time to...grow up. It is time to let go of the past and embrace your future. You decide your future. It is all on you. The pressure's of growing up into a wonderful human being aren't light, but they are there. The pressure to be all that you can be. The pressure to make 'them' proud. I realize that I can't imagine life without the family I'm surrounded by. Small and few, they are my family. I will not let the pressures of life take me down, but lift me up. If I can retain such wonderful memories, I can make more.
I realize that someday I will be that mother. I want to be the mother that mine was to me. A mother who will do anything for her children. A mother who wants nothing more than to see her children happy.
I realize I want to be the sister that my brother deserves. Always supporting him and always on his side. He's too amazing to not have the best of the best. Life is the most precious gift. Life was given to each and everyone of us. My brother is risking his life. As I sit here and type on my laptop, he is in the heat of heat fighting for your and my freedom. All I can say is that we are all in good hands. He will come home.
I realize that I need let my daddy go. Around 4 years ago I was telling him the same thing. Of course different scenario. I was telling him to let me go to school off the island. It was so hard for him to let me go off to school. It was so hard for him to not just hold me down and not let me go. I went to school and had one of the best experiences of my life. You always think what if I would have stayed. I could have spent that time with my daddy. I could have noticed him acting different and caught the cancer with better timing. I could have... I should have... I would have... If I only knew. But then...I realized that I need to let go. I need to let him be at peace. I love you daddy! Happy birthday! I miss you and I'll never ever forget the times we've shared. I'll never forget that week at the beach. I'll never forget all the times you took me to work. I'll never forget...as long as you don't forget that I miss you! I miss you so much.
And I realized that I lead a great life.
No comments:
Post a Comment